


Only When I Lose Myself

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: IronStrange Bingo 2019 Collection (Round 1) [17]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Stephen Strange, Cloak of Levitation (Marvel), Collars, Dom/sub, Dominant Tony Stark, IronStrange Bingo 2019, M/M, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Top Tony Stark, no actual sex and i apologize for that, submissive Stephen Strange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 01:20:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: The collar would stay around his throat permanently, marking him as Tony's, making it clear to anyone who might come near enough that he wastaken, that he had chosen to give himself away to another human being in the most intimate manner possible.(Now withwonderful artbyDescaladumidera. Please, check it out!)





	Only When I Lose Myself

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Surrender](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18339566) by [amethyst-noir (Arbonne)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir). 



> On tumblr the question was raised who should be collared: Stephen or Tony? I, and a few other people, thought that it should be Stephen. So, here's the story how it could happen in the context of "Surrender", the little d/s story I wrote a while ago.
> 
> The title, as so often before, is from the song of the same name by Depeche Mode.

"Open your eyes, baby."

Stephen tried to but somehow couldn't make his eyes obey the order. Kneeling on the floor with his shaking hands folded in his lap in front of a standing Tony was already making him feel vulnerable, no matter how often they'd done this before, and keeping his eyes closed made it a little bit easier. It was still a kind of nerve-wracking to have to look up - and up, and _up_ \- to Tony and right now, knowing what was to come, it was even worse than usual. He chose to keep his head down instead and stared at the floor.

"Tony," he tried to say but was interrupted when Tony put his fingers under his chin and gently encouraged him to put his head back up.

"Stephen. Baby. No more hiding, remember?"

Stephen swallowed and nodded. That had been one of the first - and hardest - lessons Tony had tried to teach him. _Don't be ashamed of what you want. Need._ He still hadn't learned, not really, but Tony was never impatient with him. Instead there was only understanding tinged with a hint of sadness. And lots of love and support.

He could feel the blush blazing on his cheeks but Tony's gentle smile made it all worthwhile. To his surprise it was easy to smile back. His reward was one of those stunning grins Tony only showed when he was really, truly happy.

"You're beautiful," Tony whispered and went down to his knees before him. "You should be able to see yourself like this - you're almost glowing." He leaned forwards and kissed Stephen on the lips while his right hand trailed down Stephen's back, his grip finally strong and sure once again. "And mine," he added after a moment.

"Yours," Stephen confirmed after a moment of silence. "Completely."

The smile became gentle again and Tony kissed him once more before he withdrew. He put his right hand on Stephen's left cheek and Stephen leaned into the touch, making sure to lower his head just a little bit so that he could look up at Tony through his lashes. He knew how much Tony liked that and a short laugh was his reward.

"You're perfect."

Stephen smiled. "Not yet, am I? There's still something missing." He looked at the collar lying on the pillow beside them.

They'd talked about it what seemed like ages ago and by now Stephen couldn't even say who brought it up first anymore. Probably himself, because the thought of something tangible to remind whim whom the belonged to was like a shot of adrenaline for him.

Tony's hand stayed on his face as he touched the collar with his left one but then it wandered down to his throat, squeezing gently for a moment, before careful fingers traced Stephen's recently broken and only barely healed left collarbone. There was still a light sting of pain at the touch and Tony narrowed his eyes in displeasure when he noticed the reaction.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." They'd waited long enough. First to take the first step into this direction and then they had to wait for even longer because of Tony's wounded arm, followed by Stephen's injuries and recovery after being captured by Karl's people. "I want this, Tony."

No 'Sir' and no 'Master', Tony had made that clear from the very beginning and just like pretty much else it mashed with Stephen's own preferences exceptionally well.

Instead of answering Tony just undid the loose strings holding Stephen's undertunic together and brushed them aside. It had been Stephen's desire to do this more or less fully clothed. Being naked would be too intimate and not intimate enough at the same time - this was not something that belonged into the bedroom, for fun and sexy times.

The collar would stay around his throat permanently, marking him as Tony's, making it clear to anyone who might come near enough that he was _taken_ , that he had chosen to give himself away to another human being in the most intimate manner possible. It was something they both needed after the ordeals of the past few months.

Not that many people would ever come near enough to see the black leather, decorated with silver highlights so tiny that they could barely be seen, anyway.

The collar was handmade by Tony, of course, one of the first thing's he made when his right arm was fully healed and able to work with delicate equipment again. There was subtle touch of magic around the whole thing and if he looked closely he could see and feel the faint outline of Wong's aura around that.

Stephen didn't know the exact nature of the spells woven into the leather and silver, that knowledge belonged to Tony and Wong alone, and the fact that he didn't even try to pick the elegantly and very intricate spellwork apart showed his trust in his lover and his best friend better than any other gesture of him could ever have.

"Ready?" Tony asked and in answer Stephen straightened his shoulder and raised his head to give access to his neck.

Tony didn't pick up the collar, instead he put both of his hands around Stephen's neck. "Even your neck is stupidly elegant," he said. There was a warmth in his voice that Stephen could _feel_. He squeezed, carefully, and smiled at Stephen's sharply indrawn breath and looked down to see the evidence of Stephen's arousal, barely hidden under his loose trousers. Another careful squeeze. "This is the last time you'll feel my hands on your throat like this. Remember this." Stephen closed his eyes in acknowledgment and took another deep breath. He committed the feeling of Tony's strong fingers around his throat to memory, tried to brand it into his very soul so that he could call it up again any time he wanted to.

"Eyes open," Tony reminded him. Stephen swallowed and Tony's grip tightened to make him really feel it. "So beautiful. Okay, let's do this." There was more than a little bit of nervousness in Tony's voice and it only helped in making Stephen calmer. This was the right choice, he knew it.

"Do it. Please." Tony liked it when he begged and as always, his slightly husky 'please' got him what he wanted.

The heavenly pressure around his throat vanished and the blast of cool air hitting his skin was almost unpleasant. The room was lit by a thousand conjured candles but they gave no warmth and it was rather cool in their bedroom, another preference they shared. Stephen shivered and swayed a little in a non-existent breeze until Tony put a steadying hand on his shoulder.

"God, if only you could see yourself now." Tony carefully touched his throat once again and smiled when Stephen arched into the touch like a cat. Stephen made sure to half-close his eyes and move his head in the resemblance of the cat Tony accused him to be so often. "Tease," Tony commented. He leaned forwards and pressed a too short and too light kiss against Stephen's lips. "I love you so much. Thank you for allowing me to do this."

Another short caress around his neck and Tony picked up the collar. "Deep breath," he commanded and Stephen did as he was told. He shivered when the leather touched his throat and released his breath when he felt it encircling him.

"Do it," he demanded and closed his eyes.

In answer Tony whispered the short incantation that closed the loop without any seam. No buckles and not easy way to get out of this for Stephen by his own request. Tony had been hesitant at first but Stephen had worn him down over time. Magic could remove the collar, ordinary means could not.

Stephen could feel the leather around his throat, the magic tingling in the air, Tony's hands on his shoulders, he could smell Tony's unique scent and he could feel the light disturbance in the air where the Cloak was hovering, watching the proceedings.

Tony gave him a moment to collect himself before two fingers found their way between leather and skin to test the tightness. "Breathe for me, Stephen. Show me that it isn't too tight." It wasn't. But Stephen did as ordered and was rewarded with a short caress. "And now open your beautiful eyes and look at me, beloved."

The special name Tony had chosen for him made him shiver in pleasure as always. He'd followed the command before consciously hearing it and looked directly into Tony's eyes, pupils blown wide with arousal.

"We're only starting and you're already half-way gone." Tony smiled at him. "What do you want now?"

Stephen swallowed, testing the resistance of the collar. He could feel it but it didn't hinder him. "Undress me," he said. "Lay me down and fuck me until I don't know my own name anymore. Mark me so that I can count the bruises on my skin tomorrow."

Tony's clever fingers started undoing the laces of his tunic, once again stroking the place where his collarbone had been broken. "Yes to the first two. No to the third. You've been marked enough for a while, beloved. We'll keep this slow and gentle." He kissed Stephen once again, deeper and longer, and ended the kiss with a gentle bite. " _Very_ slow and _very_ gentle."

Stephen groaned as Tony's left hand found its way to his crotch and gave his cock a squeeze that was not nearly hard enough. Tony's eyes promised him hours of torment and pleasure. "Maybe one or two bruises. But nothing wild," Tony conceded and Stephen barely managed to suppress the satisfied grin that wanted to take over his face. Tony's answering smile told him that he'd seen his reaction anyway.

"Sounds good," he whispered breathlessly as he was gently laid back into the prepared nest of pillows and blankets, the Cloak coming over to give him something to hold on to without any risk of hurting himself.

**Author's Note:**

> After "Surrender" I got a few comments that it would be great if I could write Stephen's "training". Sadly, I'm not the person to do that, nice as it would be. I hope that this little scene in the same universe was still enjoyable. Thank you for reading!
> 
> [Tumblr post.](https://amethyst-noir.tumblr.com/post/184950778786/only-when-i-lose-myself-amethyst-noir-arbonne/)


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